From Core Value Series - Talk to Student Body about Respect for our Elders

From my earliest memories, I can remember both of my parents telling me to respect my elders.  My elders, they explained, were other adults - aunts, grandparents, teachers, the house cleaner, or any other adult deserving of my respect; and for my parents, that was just about everybody, no matter their race, social status, or religion.

Respect for my elders developed first from my respect for my parents.  Obedience and polite, respectful talk were always expected of me.  There was to be no talking back or arguing.  That didn’t mean it never happened, but when it did, I was immediately corrected.  I was always told to address every adult as ma’am or sir, and I had my chores to do. Make my bed, clean my bedroom, not leave the bathroom a mess, take out the trash, set the table for dinner, etc.  Fortunately, I had two younger brothers who had to assume some of those duties once they were old enough.

There were times, especially as I came into my teenage years, I didn’t want to obey my parents or listen to their advice  I wasn’t really interested in respecting my elders.  I would be polite, but when they wanted to tell me something , it always sounded like a lecture that went on and on and on!.  Just like many of you, I thought I knew what was best for me and I was determined to do things my way.

However, when I didn’t listen to the advice of my parents or the other adults in my life, things didn’t work out as I had planned. At Vanderbilt University, my favorite professor told me NOT to take two of his courses in the same semester. But did I listen? No, and by mid-semester I was failing both courses.  I ended up with a B and a C, but only by the grace of God and the most studying I had ever done in my life!

So through my own mistakes, I came to understand that my parents and other influential adults in my life had much to offer me in terms of solid advice and wisdom.  Fortunately, I did not suffer any serious consequences before arriving at this “great” insight.  I saw the wisdom in respecting and listening to my elders once again.

Unfortunately, our culture today tells us to ignore our elders and the wisdom they can share with us. 

There really was a time when children always spoke respectfully to adults, when a younger person would offer a seat to an older person, when a young man would willingly and without pay mow the yard for the aging widow next door. These were and still are the right ways to behave.  But today, children believe they are somehow owed the same amount of respect as an adult.  I’m not saying adults should not treat children kindly, they most certainly should; but respect is something you earn in life - through accomplishment, life experience, and the way you conduct yourself publicly and privately.  Unfortunately, much of our culture disregards this idea of respect.

Just look at the TV shows and commercials that make dads look like idiots and buffoons.  You’ve seen it. Dad’s a goofball, sort of what I call a man-child who shows less maturity than his children. His children are in the car or around the breakfast table rolling their eyes at him and making snide remarks.  The TV show or commercial subtly teaches that dads are idiots and don’t deserve respect.  

So, it’s very easy to adopt these kinds of attitudes:

• If you don’t act respectfully and your parents call you on it, they’re mean!
• If your teacher requires your respect, they’re either picking on you or don’t like you.

In fact, in both situations, just the opposite is true.  By always reminding you to be respectful to your elders, your parents and teachers are teaching you how to be likeable.  As you get older and go off to college and then enter the workplace, you’ll quickly discover that people don’t like rudeness.  They like people with good, respectful attitudes.  Respectful people are pleasant to work with.

Our elders will always have something to teach us about life.  They have greater wisdom than we do. They want us to learn how to be successful and avoid many of life’s mistakes. But if we don’t treat them with respect, they will not waste their time on us.

For example look at what happened to Rehoboam, King Solomon’s son.

We read in I Kings 12, “Rehoboam went to Shechem, for all Israel had come to Shechem to make him king.”  To make a long story short, the people asked their new king to cut their taxes, because King Solomon had raised taxes for all of his building projects, including the Temple in Jerusalem.

Rehoboam told the people to give him three days to think about it.  He first went to his elders, those who had served with his father.  “And they said to him, ‘If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever.’” Pretty good advice if you ask me!

Then Rehoboam went to his buddies, the guys he had grown up with.  They said, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father's thighs.  And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”

Rehoboam rejected the counsel of his elders, increased the tax burden, and lost 10/12ths of his kingdom in a civil war.  Not too smart!

One of my greatest mentors was Mr. Henry Walters, my headmaster here at St. Thomas’.  After I finished college, he hired me to take over the STE pipe band program.

Many, many times, when band was over at 5 p.m., Mr. Walters would be sitting in his office, the office I now sit it, and he would give me his undivided attention for as long as I needed it.  He would counsel me on certain courses of action.  If I was discouraged, he would show me the big picture and cheer me up.  If I made a mistake, he would tell me and advise me how to correct it.

Mr. Walters became one of the great elderly influences in my life.  I had others of course - my parents and two particular piping teachers.  But unknown to either of us, God was using Mr. Walters to prepare me to take on the role of headmaster of this great school.

If I had not shown him respect by asking him for advice, my life might be very different.

What does God have to say in the the Bible about respecting our elders ?

• Exodus 20:12  “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”

• 1 Peter 5:5  “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”

Leviticus 19:32 (My favorite)  “You shall rise up before the grayheaded and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the Lord. So how should we show respect for our elders? Address them properly - No “What’s up dude!” Shake hands Speak clearly and without slang Make eye contact and smile Offer assistance whenever possible Give them your time and attention Always use good manners! One day, Lord willing, you will be considered an elder and you will expect young people to respect you.  Respect your elders now, set the example for others, and, when the time comes, teach your children to do the same.  You will never regret it; plus the Lord will bless your lives, your families, and our country.