From the Core Values Series: Love for Parents

In Ephesians 6:1-3, the apostle Paul writes:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” this is the first commandment with a promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land (the Lord thy God hath given thee.)".

Here’s another commandment about love. Why should we love our parents? Because God them them the responsibility of raising us, and they love us in a way we as children don’t understand.  They are due our love, respect, and obedience in return.

What do I mean by saying children don’t really understand their parents’ love?

It wasn’t until August 30, 1995, at the age of 34, I understood what parental love was like.  That’s the day my son Michael was born, and I was instantly overcome with a feeling of love that was all consuming and so real that I could feel it work its way every fiber of my being.

Almost instantly, I was a different person, and cared for a life I considered more important than my own.  This love I felt for my son, and continue to feel for him, is not particular only to me or Mrs. Cusack.  Your parents have that same love for you and you can return that love to them by appreciating all they do for you by loving, respecting, and obeying them.

It's easy to love our parents when we are young. They take care of us, give us what we need, often give us stuff we don't need, tuck us in at night, and read us our favorite bedtime stories.  They love taking us to the zoo, the beach, Disney World, and and all these places where they can watch us delight in new discoveries and the wonders of the world.  

Parents find great joy in the delight of their children; so much so, they will make great personal sacrifices to ensure their children feel loved, content and happy.

Now I want to speak more to our middle and upper school students.

As we get older and age into our adolescent and teenage years something changes.  We don’t mean it to change. It just does. We want our privacy.  We don't want our parents getting into our "business."   We might not tell our parents we love them. For that matter they might not tells us either!  There are no more  kisses at bedtime. In fact, if they came into our room, especially without knocking, we get upset.  Communication with our parents changes.  We talk to them only when we want something or when we have to talk ourselves out of trouble!  We begin to share our problems and secrets only with our closest friends.

All of this signals our growing sense of independence and the natural desire to begin creating an identity of our own apart from our parents.

After all, didn’t we witness that very thing when, as a twelve year old, Jesus stayed in Jerusalem to talk to the Temple scholars and never said one word about it to His parents.  No doubt an unintentional lack of communication on His part and very normal for a young man His age.  But when they found Him, Jesus obeyed His parents and went back with them to Nazareth where, Luke tells us at the end of chapter two in his gospel, “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.”

Jesus was obedient to His parents.  We, however, don’t always follow Jesus’ example.  As we get older we can often fall into the trap of thinking our parents just want to make our lives miserable.  “Clean your room!”  “Make your bed” “Take out the trash.”  “No, I will not allow you to play that game.”  “No you can’t stay out that late!”  “Who else is going to the movies?  Do their parents know?”  “Are boys going?” “Are girls going?”      “No, you can’t go on a date yet!  You’re only 15!”  “Do not text while you’re driving!”  All you teenagers could add to the list.

What you probably don’t understand yet is that being a parent is hard.  When you were born, you didn’t come with a manual.  Your parents always want to make sure they are doing the right things and making the right decisions in raising you.  They want you to be happy and successful in life.  There’s very little they will not personally sacrifice to help you achieve worthy goals.

As you grow up, however,  it’s hard for your parents to let go and give you more independence.  It’s not that they want to keep you around forever, at least I hope not!  They’re concerned for you, because teenagers don’t think through the ramifications of their actions.  If we do things we know we shouldn’t do, we don’t think of all the bad things that can happen.  We only think of the “fun” we’re going to have.

Because they were once teenagers, your parents give you seemingly very strict guidelines to live by and get very upset when you don’t. But that is only because they want to keep you safe.  It’s hard for them to watch you make mistakes and get hurt.  They watch the news and know bad things happen to teenagers.  

With this in mind, how can you act lovingly toward your parents?

• Invite your parents into a relationship with you. Tell them about your day and don't just say 'fine.'  That's really hard for us boys!
• Realize that they aren't here to ruin your life!  After God, they are our greatest gift and deserve great honor.
• Listen to what your parents tell you. They know a lot more than what you give them credit for.
• Unless it's outside the bounds of morality, obey your parents. God first, parents second. But a very important second!
• Pray for them!!! Your parents need your prayers. They are not perfect.  LIke you, they make mistakes.

Don't:

• Do not be selfish! They want to be a part of your life and want you to be a part of theirs too. Ask them how their day was and really listen.
• Don't fight or yell at them. Be respectful, they gave you life.
• And whatever you do, avoid being angry or resentful towards them. If you are, pray deeply for insight into why you feel that way and immediately meet with your parents to resolve the anger or resentment!

Please never forget, you parents love you in a way you will never understand until you become parents.  They have a great responsibility: God expects them to raise you to become the person He intends you to be.